Tuesday, January 31, 2012

(Day 31) Gaining Hindsight and treading water

My kids are asleep, but I am too hungry to sleep, so I thought I would write some very prominent thoughts I have been having lately while I ate a late lunch.
I feel like all I have been talking about lately is how busy we are. How crazy it is, and how I never have time. Probably because that is true, and I am blown away by how crazy busy our life is. And compared to what our life used to be before the kiddos, it is so much more busy! The other day, I was thinking about this and a memory came crashing down on me, and I gained 20/20 hindsight. It was quite an "ah-ha" moment that really stunned me and changed my perspective on something.
But first, it's story time.
Richard and I were married in 2005 and for the first year, we worked for my Dad. That year is another story for another time, so I will skip to the beginning for 2007. 
2007: Richards plan had been to take over my Dad's financial advising business when he retired and because of the "in", he wouldn't have to go to school. But after a not-so-pleasant working experience (having nothing to do with my Dad, I should add, but another fellow employee...), he decided he didn't want to be without the safety net that an education gives you these days. So within days of deciding this, we packed up everything and headed off to a 4 year university hundreds of miles away. We were so excited to be on our own and experience college, as well as follow the strong promptings we had.
The night we left with (most of) my fam
All during 2007 we worked hard going to school full-time. We lived, ate and breathed school but got very good grades. It was a wonderful time in our married life because we had the same major, all the same classes and were together 24/7. Incredibly spoiled if you ask me. We loved it. 
2008: Then 2008 came, and I was ready to plow through my degree again that year and work at the same time as I had been the year before, so I could get done sooner. But then Richard and I had a very specific prompting. We were to enjoy this year together, and just...play. So utterly confused, we decided to follow the prompting, and we left for a semester to work with some friends in Southern California. Before starting the job, we went on a 4-night Mexican cruise to reward ourselves for our hard work the year before. It was amazing! Then we went to work with our friends, finished that and then went to stay in Washington for awhile to spend time with family.

While we lived in So. Cal 
On our mexican cruise

Those months playing together were so fun. After that, we came back to our home at school and finished the year off with another semester of school.
2009: At the beginning of 2009, I felt very strongly that I needed to change my major or do anything I could to finish my degree as soon as possible. I only had 3 more semesters left of my degree, but felt that was too long. After some work, I re-arranged my degree so that I could be done in 1 semester. That last semester ended in the middle of April of 2009 and in the first week of May, we found out why I was supposed to graduate so fast. It was time to add to our family. So, exactly (like exactly to the day we stopped birth control haha) 9 months later, Liam was born. And then to fast forward a lot more, Richard soon after, felt very strongly he should switch his career plans to the medical field. 
So to summarize a lot more and save from writing too much, here has been the last 2 years in a (very small) nutshell:
April-July 2010: Richard starts the pre-med program with lots of hard classes and is gone so much that I am basically a single mom 
August-September 2010: We take the break in the middle of semesters and travel to see family
November 2010: Richard goes to Honduras for a service project for 2 weeks (which will look good on his podiatry school applications) and I go with Liam to stay with my family.
December 2010: As soon as he comes back, we get pregnant with #2 when Liam was 9 months old...
January-April 2011: Richard has another crazy semester in school while I am stuck at home during a horrible winter, morning sick with a less than 1-year-old who is constantly sick himself with some kind of horrible sickness (croup, RSV, pre-bronchitis, you name it). Or teething. Basically never slept and was sick myself that whole time.
April-July 2011: Richard is in his craziest semester yet (people who heard his work load thought he was crazy and committing academic suicide...he was so blessed to finish with some of the highest grades in his class). I went from being 5-8 months pregnant and by the end hurt so bad, I could hardly move. I was a single mom, ridiculously pregnant, trying to chase a 1 year-old around...
September-December 2011: Another semester as a school-induced single mom with a newborn and an 18-month old. Crazy stuff.
December 2011: Richard studies like a madman for the MCAT and is gone for a week for an interview leaving me completely alone
January 2011: Another semester starts, continues studying like a madman for the MACT, takes the MCAT and is currently gone again for a week.
This is why I feel like I have been treading water for 2 years.
Do I really need to say it? It's been crazy.

Ok now that you have way too much information on our last several years the background story. Here is where the hindsight comes in. So in 2008, like you read, we felt very strongly we should enjoy the time we had together. As I sit here, without a husband for yet another week, with 2 kids under 2, hardly ever seeing him, I see the wisdom. I can see so clearly why we felt so strongly we should do what we did in 2008. Because we needed that foundation. We needed all those years with just the 2 of us to support us through these years when we hardly ever see each other (and I am not joking). That prompting was very confusing when we received it, and I honestly questioned it. But now I am so thankful for several things:
1. An all-knowing, gracious God who knew we would need that time together
2. That we are able to receive personal revelation
3. A husband that supports me in the things I feel I should do
4. That time we had together. It was wonderful.

So although I feel and say all the time that I am SO busy and have been treading water for the past 2 years, it's cause I have been, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's been crazy, but on so many numerous occasions, I have felt very strongly, this is exactly what we should be doing and where we should be. 

Life isn't supposed to be easy. If it was, where would the growing and the lessons come from?
I think a lot of time, we expect that life is supposed to be easy, and when it isn't and it's hard, busy and crazy, we feel like something is wrong. That we aren't doing something right. I have a strong knowledge, that is not what life is about. I have become so much more of a real person during this time of "busy-ness" and I can see the wisdom in it. 
my 2 kiddos playing this morning
I love her huge smile...wish it wasn't out of focus...
So while I am here in this time of my life, treading water, I have gained hindsight.
Perfect 20/20 vision.
I see why we felt the way we did, because now I am reaping the blessings from the time we had of that (relative) ease.
Have any of you had moments of 20/20 hindsight, where it all made sense?

p.s. sorry this was so long...it was supposed to be 2 different posts, but I had a great opportunity to finally write and wasn't 
sure if I would get another chance again in the next while!

1 comment:

  1. I love your post. I have to keep believing in the same things. Hence, keeping our Heavenly Father involved in all of our plans. Hence why it has been almost seven years since we have been married and we r living apart while Bill gets settled in his new job in Vernal, so that when we do move we can focus our energies on babies, and making sure i stay healthy. I was heartbroken when we first got married and was told to wait 3 years to start our family. Hindsight is 20/20. I had developed kindney infections every month and was allergic to 2 of the 3 need they can use for them while pregnant. Bill had started back to school and I needed to work to support him so that he could focus on his studies. Fast forward a few years and and our Heavenly Father sees the bigger picture while my faith is tested as to why everyone else can have children but not me. After a heartbreaking miscarriage we realized that i needed to change my migraine medicine so my body was free of the bad chemicals that could cause birth defects. So now we have been blessed with a wonderful job that will provide for our family and I can stay home. I love your testimony of Heavenly Fathers plan for us and the faith for listening to His promtings.


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