And it's over.

I love Brielle's face! She is in a diaper because I was getting her ready to put her swimming suit on.

Just like that, without much warning, our time of "play" is over.
One day I woke up and realized, that phase of our life is entirely over.

And surprisingly, my emotions are different than I thought they would be.
An aching excitement.

Aching: I am so sad to have that time over, at times it can hurt. My heart aches to think about how my kids will miss their daddy, and I ache when I think about doing this alone, almost entirely without my best friend.

Excitement: Because it's finally here. The day we have been preparing, hoping for and dreaming of for years. Because I am ready to do this thing.
The surprising part, is this is the greater emotion of the 2.

Yesterday, Richard started medical school.

For pretend, because this week is orientation, but it is all day and the same hours as his classes (8am-5pm). So we are starting "the" schedule and he is preemptively studying the massive amounts of books that he has during the hours he plans to do homework. 80 hours a week of class and studying. Boom baby.

So I am on my own. A thing I haven't had to do since he finished his under-graduate degree last year. It's hard to get used to, but I did it for so long, I have fallen right back in place. The adjustment has come pretty natural, which is a huge tender mercy. 

Classes start on Monday, and the real journey begins.

I feel like I am standing in line for one of the really scary rides at a carnival. It looks exciting, and by the faces of those getting off the ride, it looks totally worth it. In fact, they all come over and tell you it is so worth it. However, it also looks scary, just not scary enough to get out of line. You remind yourself, it will be worth it, and you can do it. 

That's exactly how I feel.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.