Enjoy it all

I found a quote on a blog that really spoke to me today.

This past couple days have been not so fun. Liam is getting sick again, Richard is burnt out from school and I have been having a hard time enjoying the last 2 months of our time here (I am getting antsy to have a bigger apartment/house with a backyard and washer and dryer...). Add to that, last night, we got a very little amount of sleep because of the little man getting sick.

And today Liam was especially whiny and difficult since he is getting sick.
So I have been having a hard time enjoying the moments, especially the little moments of our days.

But today, Richard came home from school especially happy and upbeat. Something made him realize how amazing it is that tomorrow, he will be applying to medical school and living his dream of being a doctor. The burnt out demeanor was gone and he was shining with happiness, realizing that the time he put into his classes was soon to pay off. 

So while "Come Fly With Me" by Michael Buble (we are HUGE fans of his) played loudly through our house while I was making home made pizza for dinner, Richard gave me a quick massage while I was rolling out the dough which quickly turned into us slow dancing. As we danced, I looked around at our little house. I saw a little boy sitting at the table eating his dinner, beaming with happiness while he watched his parents dance. I saw a little girl who was crawling all over the floor, bouncing her head (aka: dancing) to the music and giving me the BIGGEST scrunchy smile. I saw a husband who I adore & love more than anything and look up to more than anyone else, who is also my best friend and support. I saw a messy house that was evidence that my children played there today. I saw a life that I wouldn't change for anything, even on the days that are not so easy and feel extra long. Even when it isn't perfect, my heart still almost bursts with gratitude that my life is what it is. I stopped and enjoyed it all, even the small, but wonderful moments. And I am so glad I did. 

Because I love them with all my heart.

His and her heart-attacks

This is the last semester of Richards under graduate work. Can I hear a collective sigh? Basically, I can't convey how happy we are. It's almost mid-terms. 52 more days until it's done.

He is so burnt out (going year round for 5 years and getting a basically double major can do that to a man) and overwhelmed right now. Poor guy. But, all things considered, I am so proud of how hard he is working for us! I am so glad I married such a hardworking man with such ambition!

So Liam and I took the opportunity to tell him how much we love him during our craft time this morning while Brielle was napping. So we heart attacked him!! 

We ran out of tape a couple days ago so we had to use some of Liams stickers to make it stick to the door :)

I traced Liams hand (on the right) and he tried to trace my hand (green marks on the left) 

He liked it.

Even though with the wind and stickers that aren't sticky enough, the wind had blown most of it down when he came home from school, so it was all over the stairs.

But he got the idea, and after we stuck it back up again, he loved it even more.

Liam loves it too. He thinks it's Richards birthday and every time he sees it, he says

"Happy day Dad!"

(translation: Happy birthday Dad)

But that is not all.

When we were at the store getting stuff for dinner, Richard told me to go to the car because he had been planning to buy me a surprise all day. When we got home he surprised me with a beautiful red rose, my favorite drink and favorite candy bar (milky way). I didn't get a chance to enjoy it though because as soon as dinner was ready I ran with some friends to Zumba. When I got back I saw this on the door: 

He had a sweet letter from Liam and himself. So sweet.

So sweet. So so sweet of him. 

It was fun to be able to do things back and forth for each other, making the other feel loved.

Looks like it's my turn next ;)

As soon as it dies

Of course, as soon as my cameras battery dies, there are so many darling "kodiak" moments I wish I could have captured. But I have been so busy playing with my special family during this long weekend, I didn't have time to charge my cameras battery. So I missed capturing...

--The kids wrestling and playing with Richard when he came home from school Friday.

--Liam spending time with his precious "Gramma Jane" (my mother-in-law came to visit this weekend).

--Liam's face of utter sheer delight and happiness while he played with her toy parrot she brought.
--Brielle squeaking and squealing in attempts to communicate with said bird. 

--How cute Liam was when he climbed into my bed Sunday morning while I was still asleep (gramma jane got up with the kids every morning she was here to let us sleep in...bless her heart) and whispered "I miss you mommy. I love you mommy" over and over again while he cuddled with me.
--Brielle's super funny side mohawk she had after her nap on Sunday before church
--Liam getting yet another haircut on Sunday and a picture of him with his haircut that makes him look like a boy and not a toddler (as you can tell in all the pictures here, it was high time he was sheered again).

--Richard and Liam flying around the house pretending to be dragons after we had a family movie night on Monday where Liam watched "How To Train Your Dragon" for the first time (yes, I am the mom who skipped through all the scary parts).

--Liam in his tiger costume he found yesterday while we were organizing our storage and starting to pack (crazy) which he didn't take off all night, until I finally convinced him to sleep without it.

--A crazy before and after picture of how much more organized our storage is and how much stuff we got rid of.

--Richard and I before the movie started on our date last night (we watched Hunger Games and I am so much more weak since becoming a mom. While I really liked it, that movie also really traumatized me! Ok not literally, but I was tense the whole time!)

--When the kids both wanted to be put in Brielles bed this morning and then proceeded to roll around together squealing (literally) in delight and laughing so hard while they pressed their faces into the mesh on her pack-and-play, which scrunched their faces in hilarious ways.

--How wonderfully happy and content Brielle is playing out in the sunlight on our back patio

--A picture of Brielle's 3rd tooth and the 2 that are just about to cut through (aka: the reason my very good baby was whinny this weekend)

...on that subject, I am going to go charge it right now so I don't miss more little sweet, wonderful moments of our lives. 

Brielle doing her freakishly adorable scrunchy face smile the day before the battery died

"Mom, I am a big kid"

My boy is growing up fast.

It's blowing away my mind.

And he loves to remind me of the fact he is growing up.

He has started a new trend of walking around and randomly saying to me and anyone near by,

"I am a big kid"

He is proud of how much he is growing up.

At 27 months, he acts like a 3-4 year old regularly! Still, most people are shocked when I tell them how old he is because he acts much older. Here are some things about him I don't want to forget:

--He is talking up a storm and uses long sentences of words in the right/appropriate ways. My favorite is when he uses actually, because etc. in correct ways. It makes me giggle because he is such a little boy and sounds like an adult. When I ask him about something he will say "because I had to mom". or if I say thing he will say "actually..." My favorite thing he said like this was when I was telling him he can't eat his toothpaste because it might hurt his tummy. He looked at me with a matter-of-fact face and said "Actually mom, toothpaste makes my tummy happy!" I always laugh a little when I realize that my 2-year-old is debating with me already about things he should be able to do. Silly boy. 

--He is also so polite. He says "please", "thank you", "no thanks" when he doesn't want something, "your welcome" and "ok" when I want him to do something

--He can say almost any word he hears. He has THE BIGGEST vocabulary and regularly uses 5-6 word sentences. 

--When he is caught doing something he shouldn't and worried he will get in trouble, he shushes me with a very guilty face. And when I put him in time-out for doing something I told him not too, he always says SO sweetly "I happy now Mom!!". Sure makes it hard to stick to punishments when he is so sweet :)

--When he says "look at me" it sounds like "yucky me". And when he says "swimming" it sounds like "women" and "fishing" sounds like "wishin". Sometimes I giggle when I have him say fishing for swimming, because it sounds like "wishin' for women"...hehe :)

--He LOVES to make concoctions or as he says, "make dinner time". He brings a chair over to the counter and I give him utensils, bowls and flour, salt, rice and anything that is cheap and not harmful and he mixes and dumps for hours. And he loves to play at the sink with the water running a little, pouring water back and forth and filling containers up.

--He also LOVES using food coloring. If we need him to stay in one place (which sometimes is just to eat...this kid is so active), we bring out the food coloring and water and he will sit totally still mixing and watching the colors combine. 

--He can count up to 15 and can almost say the ABC's. It is so fun to hear him count.

--Ever since before he turned 2, he sleeps completely through the night. Sometimes he wakes up for water and goes right back to sleep. He takes 1 two-three hour nap during the day.

--He is now sleeping in a toddler bed!! I was terrified to make the switch from a crib to a toddler bed. But one day he learned to climb out of his bed and I decided it was time. So we switched and he still sleep through the night and takes naps! I was so proud of him for being so resilient. Some days he takes a little to fall asleep because he comes to the door and either says "Hello? Anyone in there?" or "Mom, I am talking!!" Even with Brielle in his room, who wakes up once for milk during the night, he sleeps through her crying for a long time. Both kids are SUPER SUPER deep sleepers, which is so nice.

--He loves Elmo's world, Curious George, Shawn the Sheep, Cars (which he hasn't watched, except little clips on youtube)

--Whenever I do something he is excited about, he says "Thank you Mom!!! I am soooo proud of you!! Good job! So proud of you!"

--He loves to help me clean by "vacuuming", "sweeping", "washing windows" etc. (of course, he doesn't do anything, but he loves to think he is haha)

--He loves to read books with us and it's his favorite part of his routine

--He also loves any kind of sport that has to do with balls. Soccer, basketball, football, you name it. He has a really good arm and can throw far and is starting to catch well.

--He loves to drink milk and any veggie (so thankful for that), fruit, pasta, cheese, fruit snacks...ok anything sugary. He is like his mama.

--He is such a happy boy. He is always smiling, playing and running. He is also so INCREDIBLY active. 

--He has a fiery personality (also from his mama). He is really good at standing up for himself when kids bully/pick on him, and also is stubborn when he wants to do things. Sometimes that can be hard...but I am so glad he has those qualities because he will NOT be a doormat. Which is nice.

He was "cooking" aka: making concoctions with flour before this picture was taken

All of his concoctions...he was making us "dinner time"

There is a lot more I could say about my wonderful boy. I adore him more than words can say. While some days can he harder than others because he is a 2-year-old learning about his independence and boundaries, but most days he is a complete joy and makes me smile constantly by the funny things he says and does (I really need to write down some of the funny things he does and says). He is a remarkably good boy and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful boy and 2-year-old. The past 2 years have been the most wonderful of my life because of him and his sister, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE being their mommy. I can't wait for the rest of my lifetime I will spend being their mommy. They bring me unparalleled amount of joy.

Have I ever said before I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mommy? :)

Dear neglected blog,

Sorry for the absence

The quiet.

The past week and a half has been, well, interesting.

Richard gone almost all day with homework (whats new?)

Liam has been acting up a little more lately

Raging PMS due to the looming-period-for-the-first-time-since-I-got-pregnant-with-Brielle-18-months-ago making my emotions crazy and completely out of hand.

I promise

I wasn't totally absent.

I wrote 3 or 4 posts during that time, but couldn't get myself to post them.

The emotions from said looming crazies made those posts TMI and less than realistic. Sadder than normal.

To save you from completely unnecessary worry, they stay saved and hidden.

Let's just say, it was a hard week. emotional. lonely. not fun. 

On the bright side, when I feel emotionally so-so, I clean. It's a great time to think and re-calibrate.

My house has been so clean lately.

Her darling scrunchy face that I can't get enough of.

But I promise

Now that those crazies are gone, I will be back to my normal, blog posting self.

I missed you.

Other than hormone triggered crazies, there has been many many wonderful moments

And big changes with the kids.

They are growing gosh dang too fast. (more on that later)

I love these boys 

All in all,

This last little while has been good. 

I really re-evulated myself, looked at my challenged priorities, and realized they are just where they are supposed to be. With my family #1. 

Gave myself a good bout of rebooting, which was needed and very therapeutic.

My goals this week:

Clear my full camera card

Break out the camera every day again to capture quiet, wonderful moments of my kiddos childhood

Post on my blog

Continue keeping my house spotless (another reason I have been MIA...I spend all my free time cleaning)

Be more present in my children's lives

Start organizing/packing for our move in 60 days

Bloggy-poo, I am back, so no need to worry.

You will not be neglected anymore

and you will still be pumped full of pictures of my overly gorgeous children.

Stop your fretting.

Love, Kenna.

Scars and love

I have always loved that Mothers day is celebrated on Sunday.

In my mind, it always is a powerful way to show how motherhood is such a special, spiritual calling in life.

This Mothers day in particular a thought keeps running through my head, a different spin on Motherhood that came from thinking about this calling in a more spiritual way. Bare with me as I try to explain it.

Before I became a mother 27 months ago, it was hard for me to truly understand an aspect of the character of my Savior. I had a very real relationship with Him, but there were characteristics of him that I knew he had, but couldn't truly wrap my head around. Like his unconditional love for everyone. Even those who hurt, killed and persecuted him. It was just more than I could imagine and understand. He sacrificed his life for those who were the ones who killed him. He saved those who mocked him, persecuted and caused him great pain. He loved them. Unconditionally. And he loves those that today do the same things but in different ways. Unconditionally. 

And me. Such a weak mortal. He sacrificed his life for me so that I can be saved, because of his unconditional love. That love that he has for me and all of mankind, no matter their flaws and weaknesses, has always been overwhelming and I have had very sacred experiences where I have tangibly felt that love that he has for me and it overwhelmed my soul.

Fast forward to the moment I first saw my dear son. My firstborn. 

Within moments of his birth, I was overwhelmed with a love I never knew was possible.

When they laid him on my chest and I saw his face for the first time, I was able to glimpse the love my Savior has for me.

It took on levels and amounts I never knew my mortal heart was capable of.

And then 18 months later when I saw my dear daughters face for the first time, my heart and it's capability to love increased by 2, and I once again experienced an amount and intensity of love I never knew was possible.

Before I had children 

I always had a flat tummy,

No dark circles under my eyes,

No stretch marks

Stomach muscles that made that flat tummy rock hard.

Perfectly done hair and make-up.

Now.

Never a perfectly flat tummy 

Always dark circles under my eyes

Stretch marks 

Lose skin on my tummy

No stomach muscles

And hair and make-up done sometimes.

But as I look down at my not perfect body, I see perfection that wasn't there before.

Just as the Savior has marks on his hands and feet from his sacrifice of love, I have marks on my body from the sacrifice of my love for my children. I sacrificed my body in so many ways, real ways, for my babies to be born. I have many physical scars that I have to remind me and my children of the ultimate love I have for them. My scars and marks may make my body different, but it shows to me the love I have for my children, just as the marks on the Saviors hands and feet shows to me the love he has for me.

And the non-physical marks. They are also signs of the unconditional love I have for my children. My constant exhaustion, the worry I have for them that they will be ok, the sacrifice of all free time etc. etc. They are also signs that I love unconditionally. 

That I am starting to grasp, in a very mortal way, the overwhelming love my Savior has for me and all humanity.

I have always known that the creation of the family (no matter the size) is a representation of the unit of heaven and a way for our Heavenly Father to show to us how much he loves us. Before I was married, I loved my family so much, and it gave me a small glimpse of how much my Heavenly Father loves me. 

As I felt the love from and for my parents, it put a new light on the love of my Heavenly Father.

As I felt the love from and for my siblings, it put a new light on the love of my Savior.

As I felt the love from and for my husband, it put a new light on the love of the eternities.

As I felt the love from and for my children, it once again put a new light on the love my Heavenly Father has for me as his special daughter.

Families. Motherhood. Being a wife.

It is all a way for us to grasp the unconditional love from our Savior and Heavenly Father.

And with my signs, my marks, my scars from being a mother,

The unconditional love from my Savior starts to make sense. I sacrificed my body for my children, because I love them. As a mother not only do I start to grasp the unconditional love the Savior has for us, but also the atonement and how broken things (think my body) can be made perfect and beautiful through the love of my Savior. Through love. The completely overwhelming and all encompassing love I feel for my children makes my scarred body beautiful. And the completely overwhelming and all encompassing love our Savior feels for us makes our scarred lives beautiful and perfect. 

And everyday I thank my Savior for the opportunity to have my sweet children.

And the opportunity to be a part of a family. To feel the overwhelming love as not only a mother, but as a wife, daughter and sister.

I have learned a lot as a mother.

But I would say the biggest thing I have learned, is about the unconditional love that my Savior has for me as I feel the same unconditional love for my children. 

The crazed look on my kids faces are from extreme exhaustion. Church being right at naptime does that to those kiddos

start 'em young.

In my quest to be the best mommy possible (HAHA!), I have asked a lot of seasoned mommy veterans for any advice as I raise my 2 young kids. Multiple times I have been told that the biggest regret was not teaching their kids to clean. So I have been trying to teach Liam how to clean, and not only how to clean but to not hate cleaning. It's a fine balance, especially with a toddler boy. It's hard to not make cleaning a control battle and to teach him to hate it or overwhelm him by giving him to much to do. So I have been making it fun by making it a race, giving him rewards after he cleaned, giving him little goals that are do-able for him (like cleaning up 10 toys) etc. I want him to get to the point where he cleans on his own without me having to be a pesky mama. 

But today was a day where I realized my work wasn't in vain. Twice he cleaned on his own initiative. It was awesome :) None of these pictures were posed by me, it's all him! He is such a good boy...

1. When he was eating breakfast he spilled his dry cereal on the couch. I was running around doing other things and he went to the closet, got the broom out and proceeded to try and "clean" his mess. I was so proud of him as I watched him try to clean up his mess, even though he didn't clean it at all. Of course, I praised him TONS and really cleaned it up when he wasn't looking.

2. During the kids naps I washed all the windows and the walls. So I had my window cleaner and paper towels on the ground. As soon as he woke up, he saw the paper towels and window cleaner and proceeded to "clean" the windows. So cute. He kept saying "I do a good job mom!" But I really think he was doing this to see the bubbles after he sprayed it ;)

I LOVE his face in this picture!

So today was one of those days where all my work that I thought was in vain and not working at all,

Actually was working. But more importantly, getting through to him.

It's good to know all my work and teaching will pay off eventually.

Cause heck, it's starting to already!!

Mommy friends, what do you do that works the best when you are teaching your kids how to clean?

Our final final destination.

I have been meaning to write this post for the last 2 1/2 weeks. But I couldn't find the words to write this post in the way I wanted. But I think it's time. If you read the whole thing, I will give you a treat. Really.
Just read it.

***

"Following the whisperings"

"Chasing his dream"

"Found his calling"

"Learning to be a supportive wife"

"Medical school: our future"

...

These are all the titles that I almost used for this post. It's been difficult to decide which one to use. Why? Because this is a life changing post. I have hesitated writing this for the last 2 1/2 weeks. I am afraid we will get crap, eye-rolling and the like. But still, it's our life and this is the journal of our life and I wanted to record all the details of this final final destination. So it's going to be a long journey through all our roads leading to this final destination so sit tight. Grab a snack and maybe some water too.

Road #1: Richard has always wanted a future in helping people, counseling with people and having relationships with people. So he pursed a degree in Psychology thinking it would lead to a career as a counselor. He finished his degree, but half-way into it realized that the daily stress of working with people with mental disorders was something that he didn't want to do for the rest of his life.

Road #2: As he was finishing his Psychology degree, he heard of the joint MBA/JD degree and decided that was what he wanted to do. With an amazing talent and natural gift in both business and debating, we thought this was his future. But then we realized that while there were some aspects that were appealing, there were other aspects that were very very unappealing. 

Road #3: Still while pursing his Psychology degree, he stumbled across the program that trains Seminary teachers for the LDS church. He went through the first several levels of the training and the people who hire Seminary teachers liked him so much they said he was definitely hired and exactly what they were looking for. A week later the church had a huge hiring freeze (instead of opening positions they were closing positions down) and we were told that the only thing that could have stopped him from becoming a Seminary teacher, had just happened. He continued through the process, was one of 12 (with 1000+ people applying for it) selected to be a Student teacher (which he did for a year while going to school), and one of 6 people (with 1000+ people applying) to get into the hiring pool (basically all the people they want to hire). Because of the freeze put on hiring, they had no openings. 

Here is his explanation of the instant relief we felt when we found out he wasn't hired:

"As soon as the job as a seminary teacher was no longer an option, I felt a great relief. Although I had a million reasons why being a seminary teacher would have been fantastic-- it hadn't felt right, like i was wearing a tight pair of pants, and now I could breath that I had the choice to pick a better fitting pair."

Road #4: Literally as soon as we heard that wasn't his future, he was drawn VERY STRONGLY towards a career in medicine/medical field. I could spend an entire post talking about how a career in the medical field is THE PERFECT fit for him, but I will just say that it fulfills all of his dreams and uses all of his talents/natural abilities. It's perfect. Within that we have had a lot of different paths. 

Road #4A: At first he considered being a CNRA or a Nurse Anesthetist. We liked the pay, the flexibility etc. but it sounded way too boring to him and didn't have enough client interaction. Plus he wanted to own his own business/practice. He doesn't want a boss.

Road #4B: Then with all of those things considering, we switched to him being a Dentist because it had the pay and flexibility of the CNRA, but it gave him more client interaction and he could own his own business. This was his path for about 1 1/2 years. He was president of the Dental society on campus, he went on a huge service trip to Honduras to beef up his application etc. He was all set and ready. And then we heard several scary things about that field that scared us away from it. Plus he realized he wanted more of a relationship with his clients that he wouldn't have as a Dentist and he wanted to do more surgery.

Road #4C: Then he heard about Podiatry and that it gave him all that Dental did, plus more interaction with  his clients AND the ability to do surgery, which he wanted. He switched in December of 2011 and signed up to take the MCAT, applied to schools, went to interviews at all of our top choices for schools, and got accepted to all of them. We had even chose the school we were going to go to already. And the apartment we were going to live in. When he took the MCAT and did WAY better than he thought he would (he had only taken 2 weeks of the first of 2 class of Physics and Organic Chemistry which is 1/3 of the test AND only studied for 2 weeks when most people study for months 8+ hours a day). The whole time he really wanted to be a family practice doctor, but didn't think that was an option. When his MCAT score came back he started really considering it.

FINAL DESTINATION: Randomly one day, 2 1/2 weeks ago, being a doctor came up for probably the millionth time. All through out this journey, ever since we were married really, he has talked about how much he wanted to be a doctor. It has been his dream since he was a kid. And anyone who knows him, knows this is a perfect fit. And it is everything we want and more.
Higher pay than all the other options (which is not why we are doing it, but definitely a perk)
More flexibility
Be his own boss (his plan is to start up his own practice)
Higher need/job growth
Great job security
Gets the most client interaction/relationship
Gets to work with kids
Can use his Psychology degree and counseling skills
Gets to teach people about health
ETC.
We kept having these whisperings that he should pursue this path. But medical school scared me too much. I was the only thing holding him back from his dream. Well it came up  again 2 1/2 weeks ago and it felt so right. The perfect fit. Our final destination. On a random Wednesday night, we made our decision. 4 months away from starting Podiatry school, we decided to follow our gut, his dream and the whisperings we had been having for so long.

"I was excited to begin podiatry school in only 4 months time. But I still had that desire to be an actual medical doctor-- Podiatry didn't satisfy that longing. As more and more time passed, it became more and more unbearable for me to not be a medical doctor. Finally, after spending thousands of dollars towards podiatry... I did it. I DID IT-- I SWITCHED TO THE PATH OF A MEDICAL DOCTOR! It would take longer, but already it is more rewarding for me personally. Being a counselor, seminary teaching, dentistry, and podiatry are all fantastic careers. But they are fantastic careers for someone other than me. I AM SO HAPPY with my new choice. It is the pinnacle of what I am striving for. It will be hard. It will take a long time, but already it is worth it."

So there it is. Our final destination. 

--June 1st he will apply to medical school which will start August 2013.

--End of July he will finish pre-requisties for medical school.

--August 2012-June 2013 we will live in our hometown in WA minutes away from my family while he works allowing us to save up a lot of money for medical school

--August 2013 we will move where ever we decide to go to medical school and start a whole new challenging, exciting, scary chapter of our lives. 

It's been a long path, but we are finally at the point where we are supposed to be. Every day he gets more and more excited about his future. There are so many ways that I can talk about how all the paths we have taken have been perfect in leading us to where we are supposed to be. And there are so many ways that this is the outrageously perfect fit for our family. We truly feel that his path has been directed and designed just for us. 

This quote I found sums up our journey to our final destination perfectly.

pin

...if you have made it to the end, you are a trooper and deserve a treat. Give me a holla (aka comment) and I will somehow give you a treat...

p.s. what a cool way to spend my 100th post!

The date we never had

May 3rd

 7 years ago yesterday

Richard and I had our first date.

Finally after a year of wishing and hoping he would ask me on a date, it finally happened.

Realizing that he was everything I thought he was and more

Plus the best friend I had always been looking for

is a moment in my life I will never forget.

On the way home from our date that night,

 Richard mentioned that he wanted to go on another date with me.

So outrageously excited, I stammered back that my Dad's birthday was the next day (May 4th) and I would be busy doing family stuff. So we planned a date for that weekend. 

But from the 5th (we actually hung out before our planned date for the 6th...we couldn't stay apart even then) until we got married 6 months later, 

we spent every day together either hanging out or on dates.

So May 4th was the only day that we didn't go on a date or spend time together.

Today, May 4th

7 years later

on our way to Winco, Richard mentioned that he had a special surprise.

He had a date all planned with a babysitter ready to watch our kids as soon as we got home (!!!!!!)

He wanted to take me on the date we never had.

HOW ROMANTIC IS THAT?!?!?!

I haven't stopped swooning over my boy all night.

hey no judging. I am growing out my hair so it's all natural. Yes horrible roots I know...

We were both laughing really hard at an inside joke which is why we are smiling weird
He's my best friend.

7 years later and I still have it bad for this boy.

But can you blame me?

A horrible horrible dream.

Early this morning, I had a horrible horrible dream.

The first dream that was so bad, I actually had to wake myself up because it was just too much to handle.

I haven't been able to shake the horrible feeling off all day, but it has made me so grateful that it wasn't real life. So I thought writing it down would help me shake that horrible feeling.

In my dream, we had 3 kids: Liam, Brielle and a newborn baby girl (no, I am not pregnant. Unless somehow there was a hole in our birth control, there is no chance. sorry TMI...). I was sitting in sacrament meeting (a meeting in the LDS church) with Richard, and Liam was sitting next to us with some of my siblings. I knew that Brielle and our newborn baby girl were being watched by someone we knew and loved (luckily I can't remember now who it was...), but I decided to check on them just to make sure they were ok. I went to the person to find out that they had lost them. They had no idea where they were. The most terrifying thoughts came rushing through my head as I was running through the church building trying to find them. I was freaking out trying to find my dear, sweet girls, enlisting everyone I could to find them. Finally, my husband brought the bishop to me to tell me that they had searched everywhere in the building and around the building, and they were gone. That I needed to give up looking for them, because they were never going to be found. I collapsed to the ground in agony, screaming, crying and hyperventilating. And that was when I used all of my mental strength to wake myself up, because I couldn't handle the emotional pain anymore. It was so real and so traumatizing that I couldn't go back to sleep. 

All day I have hugged my babies longer, given them more kisses, been more patient, forgiving and loving. Because I am so glad that that dream wasn't my reality. That my babies were safely sleeping in warm, comfy beds rather than lost. And more than that, I am glad that even if my worst nightmare was actually reality, I know we have been sealed together for eternity and this life isn't the end.

 sorry for 2 similar pictures...I couldn't decide which one I liked better :)

My precious babies.

They are everything to me.

And I am so glad that I know, they will never truly be lost because we are a 

forever family.

Other than having a bad dream, today has been a good productive day! I have gotten A LOT done on my to-do list today and I am starting to climb out of the hole I talked about here. Not only am I caught up, but I am ahead on my plan for what I wanted to get done this week. It feels nice to be able to report that :)