Well darlin's, I am going to be frank with you. You know I gotta be honest and true to my readers. So here it is: recently, I was having a hard time. Not anything remotely serious, just stressed and a little frazzled. Blame it on post-baby hormone crazies, being up quite a lot at night nursing said baby or the transition from summer to winter (more on that later). But whatever it was, and maybe even a combo of all those things, I was pretty on edge. Stressed. Frazzled. I am sure my poor family was noticing this and feeling the consequences. So one night a couple days ago, when getting up multiple times with one or both of the kids (Liam is teething again...joy) was looming in my future, I got a little panicky. Then I finally let it out to my husband that I was having a hard time. And I didn't know what to do about it. So he started asking me questions:
R: "are you eating enough?"M: "No. Sometimes I forget to eat at meals because I am feeding the kids"
R: "are you sleeping enough?"
M: "HA...no"
R: "are you getting any you time?"
M: "i wish"
R: "are you reading your scriptures?"
M: "...no..."
Then it clicked. I have a very specific promise in my patriarchal blessing that if I read my scriptures I will be greatly blessed. I realized with his probing questions I knew exactly why I was having a hard time. I wasn't doing something I have been specifically commanded to do because instead I am spending my time taking care of my kids. Great thing to do though right?! Good, Better, Best. I realized that what is better for my kids is not to have dinner exactly at 5:30 or the carpets vacuumed every day. It is a mother who takes time at least, to strengthen herself spiritually. It happened gradually and the craziness of adding another baby just blinded me so much that I forgot. It says in the scriptures to "always remember" and "remember remember" and yet I didn't.
So after that very insightful convo with the hubby, we have made some changes. I need to make sure to take time to feed myself, read my scriptures without distraction (nap time is the perfect time) and I need some "me" time where I am not "mommy" but Kenna. Miraculously, the day after we decided this and I made a concerted effort to read my scriptures, Brielle started sleeping so much better. She has only been waking up once at night to eat, eats for 15 minutes and goes back to sleep. To my new mommy eyes, it's a miracle. A direct miracle from following the commandments of a loving Heavenly Father. And I have noticed that even when I am exhausted, my strength is spent and I have no patience from myself, I have an increase in all of the things I need to carry on. Strength, patience and love come from a source outside of myself and I am able to meet the demands of my 2 young children. That, to me, is a miracle.
I know that Heavenly Father has promised to help us in the righteous desires of our heart. One of my main righteous desires is to be the best mother I possibly can be. I have tried to do this on my own, and failed. I cannot do it on my own. I didn't purposely try to do it on my own, but by default and in the craziness of it all, forgot to rely on the One that I should. Now I know that if I do what I am commanded to do, then I will get help. My prayers will be answered in the perfect way. I will have guidance. And best of all, up held in the trying, stressful moments. That, to me, is a miracle.
"I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise."
--Doctrince and Covenants 82:10
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| Liam folding his arms and "kneeling" during our morning family prayer today. This boy LOVES to pray!! |
I was extremely overwhelmed when I had Sophie and Trevor gave me a blessing which said to remember to read my scriptures every day, and if I do, I would make it through. There wasn't one day that I missed and even through it was really hard at times, miraculously I made it through.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this! I haven't read yet today and I think I will do that now. :)
thanks mckenna, this is exactly what i've been needing :) i should go find my blessing and read it. it's been awhile!
ReplyDeleteYour desire to be the best mother that you can be is indeed a righteous desire...I have the same desire within my own family. But I've learned, the VERY hard way, that being the best mother you can be does not require perfection. Nor does our Father in Heaven.
ReplyDeleteWow McKenna. That is so true for all of us! Heavenly Father has a way of lovingly helping us to realize that we cannot do it without Him. He wants more than anything else to help us to be happy and successful.
ReplyDeleteRosie,
ReplyDeleteYour post brought back to me a wonderfully sweet memory. Do you remember your first week of college when you called wanting to come home. You were crying not quite hysterically when I asked you if you were eating regularly. You said no. I asked what you had eaten you told me that you had hardly eaten anything but sweetsie cereal all week.
I asked you if you were getting enough sleep and you sobbed that you were staying up late with your new room mates all night having too much fun to sleep.
I asked you if you were reading your scriptures and you sighed that you just hadn't had a chance to get to it.
I asked you if you had been having meaningful prayers at night before you go to bed and you said that you had not been going to bed.
As we talked about solutions to those seemingly unsurmountable problems you began to calm down. You ate, you slept, you read and you prayed and you stuck with it through thick and thin and you were faithful.
Rosie my dear Rosie thankfully somethings just never change. I am so glad to see that you have not changed, your zest for life and living. It is awesome and your love of and faith in the Lord is inspiring. It is not a wonder that the Lord has so richly blessed his beautiful young daughter with such a handsome husband and angel children.
I love you with all of my heart my dear Rosie and I always will!!!!!
Love Dad