The last time.

I am sitting on an air mattress in a very very (well completely) empty apartment.

Tomorrow morning we leave the place we have called home for the last 4 years. 

The place I walked into so long ago, excited about all the memories we would fill it with. The place that we brought both our kids home to, had so many wonderful memories in, some hard moments, and learning experiences. 

But the past couple days I have experienced a lot of "lasts" ...
The last time walking through my house that I know like the back of my hand.
The last time being able to see into our friends houses.
The last time walking through the complex remembering so many many fun times we had.
The last time being the oldest (as in longest living in the same place) member of the ward.
The last time having to worry about my splitting, bleeding (no joke) excema because of the dryness.
The last time cleaning dust off of everything.
The last time carrying all my laundry across the complex and up 2 flights of stairs to spend a fortune do laundry.
The last time shopping at my favorite grocery store, that I know like the back of my hand.
The last time Liam can get smarties at the cashier at said grocery store (I forsee many sad days when Liam realizes that doesn't happen at every store)
The last time on the marry-go-round in town.
The last time at the splash park.
The last time feeding the ducks.
The last time getting together with my 2 siblings and their spouses who my kids ABSOLUTELY adores and can't get enough of.
The last time driving down our road that I know so well.
The last time looking out our window to see if anyone was doing anything fun and joining in.
The last time going to our favorite dessert place.
The last time laughing at all the funny single college people.
The last time being a school induced single mommy (at least for a year).
The last time going to our beloved family doctor that Liam LOVES.
The last time doing girl nights with my girly friends.
The last time being crammed into our apartment we are quickly growing out of.
The last time cooking in the kitchen I have come to love where everything is in my grasp.
The last time dousing the kids with water before they go bed because it's too dang hot for them to sleep.
The last time going to our wonderful ward.
The last time seeing a beautiful temple on the hill while I am running errands every day.
The last time being able to talk about your visiting teachers, going to the temple etc. with a total stranger at the store and having them know what you are talking about.
The last time walking through your house remembering little things that happened in certain places like in the kitchen when Brielle took her first steps, in the living room when we first laid Liam down in his carseat and realizing our lives would never be the same...
The last time having to remind Liam to not run too loud so our poor neighbors aren't bothered.
The last time enjoying awesome summer thunderstorms.
The last time going to movies at the cheap theater.
The last time driving past the school remembering my years slaving on campus finishing my degree.
The last time going to the Relief Society cooking group.
The last time (for now) hugging and laughing with friends who have become like family.
The last time chasing Liam all around our complex while he finds bugs and rides bikes.
The last time having to bribe him to walk up the stairs by himself when I have things in my hands.
The last time always hearing kids playing in our "back yard".
The last time hearing corny country western music blasted at the fairgrounds across the street.
The last time seeing a total cowboy complete with white stetson, cowboy boots, spurs etc. and have it not faze me at all.
The last time not having any "real" bodies of water around.
The last time (for now at least) living in a landlocked state.
The last time going to the store or anywhere and recognizing someone that is your friend you knew from a class or a ward.
The last time being one of many many moms in the store with little kids.
The last time we could call up my siblings and significant others and have a big yummy dinner together.
The last time (for the next year) of feeling guilty for asking Richard to help because I know he should be studying.
The last time being able to walk outside so Liam can see the horses out in the fairgrounds.
The last time following him around while he played in our apartment complex when he should be in bed.
The last time spending hours with him exploring the small world outside our apartment with no shoes on.
The last time he "borrowed" the neighbor kids bikes he loves so much.
The last time we were able to walk a couple feet and be in the house of a dear friend.
The last time living in the same town as my married sister (o so sad) who is also my best friend.
The last time Liam had playdates and spent time with his dear little friends.
The last time I spent an hour after bedtime cleaning my little apartment.
The last time going to our favorite restaurant.
The last time being able to go listen to amazing speakers at devotionals on campus.
The last time going to our favorite store where I am sure the checkers know me by name.
The last time being around all LDS people.
The last time living in Rexburg.
The last time living (for now) in Idaho.

Here is documentation of some of our "lasts"

Her first moments on the marry-go-round

Sensory overload...

Splash park + marry-go-round + daddy on the horse next to him (that is who he is smiling at)= LITTLE BOY HEAVEN

One of his best friends :)

 Playing while we waited for our food at our favorite restaurant

This is the last night in the apartment we have lived for 4 years and the city we have lived for 5. 

While I have waited for this day for awhile, I feel an emotion I didn't except.

Sadness.

Sadness of leaving behind the many people we have come to love here. Sadness that we are closing this chapter that we have come to love so much. There are so many many many fond memories in this little southeastern Idaho town for us. We grew up here. We moved here after less than 1 1/2 years of marriage, no kids and still kids ourselves. We had no idea what the future would hold. But we were so excited to be on our own, starting a new chapter.

Now 5 years later. Married for almost 7 years, 2 kids, 2 official Bachelor degrees (and 1 unofficial haha), medical school in the near future and we have grown so much. Had so many wonderful, a few sad, a couple soul-stretching, tons of fun filled moments.

Tomorrow as soon as the kids wake up we are going to throw them in the car and say good-bye to our home.  
And on to a new, exciting adventure. 

p.s. sorry my formatting/font is weird...can't figure out how to fix it 

Little orange man: Up to no good

The Culprit:

2 minutes of mom not watching + orange (luckily washable) marker =

you miss his also totally covered upper arms...

The usual victim: 

apparently Brielle needed some mascara on and brother took care of that.

Yes that is a car driving over her head...you guessed it.

"brother, that was a good one. Did you see how Mom's face?! oooo snap "

Don't worry.

They still love each other

My little orange man,

(he sure earned that nickname after the above...fiasco)

Mischievous, curious, independent little man you.

You sure know how to keep mommy on her toes and her days full of excitement!

"I dead him"

As I am sure I have said many-a-time before, Liam loves loves loves to be outside.

He would be out there constantly if he had his way.

The other day we were outside and he was playing with ants.

Not thinking anything of it I didn't pay much attention. Off in my own world. Then he came to me with a squished ant on his finger. 

And following that little act came a quick conversation that warped a view I have on a natural life phenomenon which has always...daunted me.

L: Look mom, I dead him

M: O Liam, why did you squish the ant?

L: Because ant missed his mommy and daddy

Watching brother poke ants

I will be honest. At first I was a tad bit disturbed. And then it dawned on me. For Liam's first birthday, we bought him two (cheap Walmart) fish who, not surprisingly, brought much joy and happiness to the little man for about a week. I woke up one morning and found them inevitably floating at the top of their bowl. Soon after I disposed of the fish (gosh that is a nasty job) but before I had a chance of thinking of a way to explain to Liam what happened to his fish, he saw his bowl was empty and the fish gone. He right away asked where they had gone and I had to come up with the reason they were gone, on the spot. My response to my 2-year-old who wouldn't understand the complexities of death: "They just went home to their mommy and daddy." And with that, he understood and no tears were shed. In his 2-year-old mind, he understood missing his Mommy and Daddy and that returning to them was a good thing.

So fast forward back to the other day about 6 months after that fish incident. Since his birthday we have talked to him about death when other pets or animals died and he has a very infantile understanding of it. So when he saw the ants and squished them, in his little boy mind he was doing a very compassionate deed by returning them to their mommy and daddy, because they missed them.

 I just have to say I have the most compassionate, loving and kind little two year old boy. 

Anyways, I diverge. 

 I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Liam doesn't understand all the complexities that are associated with death, but he has such a grasp on the subject that is in ways more profound than most adults. Isn't death (how I believe it) just returning to your Mommy and Daddy (albeit the spiritual ones) who we miss so much? Honestly and personally, death does terrify me. Not dying, but having those I love and need in my life die. But as I looked at the normal phenomenon we cannot escape, in this infantile and more simple way, I realized that it is not a horrible thing, but a merciful thing; returning us back to our loving heavenly parents that we miss. 

So thinking of death that way, whether it's thinking about (totally hypothetically of course, we are totally healthy and fine haha) about me or a loved one passing on to the next world, it helps to shed a new light on the inevitable. Not a dark, scary, lonely one, but a merciful, happy and lovingly-reuniting view. 

Sometimes looking at lives complexities through the eyes of a child can make it so much more simple, beautiful and right.

Laughs, sun, and celebration of freedom

This last 4th of July was by far the best.

It was full of laughter, family, time in the sun and celebrating.

Does it get better than that??

We started the day with 2 of my awesome siblings and their significant others 

and had a breakfast full of crepes, nutella, strawberries and whipped cream.

Liams breakfast of champions.

Brielle chillaxin with her favorite aunt as soon as she woke up

slathering on the sunblock

 After breakfast, we headed down for the city parade

Liam examining his loot he collected from the people throwing it out onto the street

in the process of waving :)

taking a break for some little cuddle time

Putting his hand on his heart as they brought the flag by...so patriotic.

I love those two last pictures. 

Evidence that we were laughing the whole day.

I love my family so much!! They are so fun, so hilarious and just the best.

After the parade we went to the lake and swam for 3 1/2 hours in the perfect water

And then came home and played outside, put the kids to bed and watched the city fireworks that were literally outside out front door.

Perfect day.

Full of constant laughter, yummy food, sunny day, family, water and fun. 

Couldn't have asked for a better day to celebrate the day our country gained it's freedom. 

...I am sad we didn't get any pictures of my perfect, hot husband! And only took pictures at the parade! Yeesh...Next year, I will be better :)

...whyyyyyyy am I still up at 11:30?! I am crazy. 

After 6pm sydrome

After 6pm, our house becomes a place of craziness.

It's a mad dash for an hour or so until the kids go to bed.

It's like they know what is about to happen, so they use all their leftover energy at maximum strength.

And it usually goes something like this...

Bath-time

aka: demolish the bathroom

I couldn't get any good pictures of Liam because he is constantly moving AND splashing which isn't a good combo when a super expensive nice camera that isn't waterproof...

Running around playing 

aka: try not to get caught by mom who is trying to dress us

getting ready to shoot dad

Got him. Gosh I love that smile.

Chilling on mom and dad's bed to play "cars"

aka: be so cute they can't possibly put us to bed and end the playtime

Or chew on airplanes, if your name is Brielle

"Ba-Ba" time

aka: finally cuddle with them, so they also can't resist putting us to sleep

both babes drink their milk before bed while cuddling with one of the parentals. My fav time of day.

The end.

And just like that, the chaos is complete.

And both kiddos are sound asleep in their beds while we recover from the "after 6pm" syndrome.

Because it definitely requires some rehab.

What is it?

What is about kids that they always seem to wake up as soon as you start falling asleep on those nights when you are particularly tired? (luckily though it doesn't happen all the time)
What is it about freshly bathed kids that makes them want to roll and play in the dirt?
What is it about ducks, that makes toddlers want to chase them down?
What is it about hearing your toddler say "I am so happy to see you" to your baby while stroking her cheek first thing in the morning that makes you want to melt into a puddle of happiness?
What is it about your baby girls chunky thighs in shorts that makes you get butterflies from too much cuteness?
What is it about a little "mommy I love you" whispered in your ear that makes waking up at 2am totally worth it?
What is it about family and the wonderful comfortableness that I feel around them every second I am with them?
What is it about sunscreen, that no matter what I do, it always seems to get in Brielle's eyes? (though I am happy to report as the summer goes on, I am getting much better at not getting it in her eyes)
What is it about summer that makes sleeping for kids impossible? And yet simultaneously more possible then any other season?
What is it about the combination of watermelon, playing in water in the hot sun and why is it perfection?
What is it about watching your toddler grow up into an obedient, polite little man (for the most part. He still is a 2 year old sometimes) that makes you so proud?
What is it about clean cute clothes having to get dirty as soon as they are put on kids?
What is it about kisses from mommy on an owie that is so magical for a toddler?
What is it about weekends flying by with way too much speed?
What is it about binkys and their need to disappear when you need them most?
What is it about Richard that makes him not only the love of my life, but my very best friend ever and greatest hero?
What is it about toilet paper and children's intense desire to unravel the whole roll?
What is it about toothpaste that makes toddlers obsessed with "sucking it out" (Liams way of asking if he can eat it right out of the tube)?
What is it about parenthood that makes you gladly want to sacrifice everything you are and have for your precious babies?
What is it about the bark at parks that makes it hide in the most random places (like diapers)?
What is it about poopy diapers and their need to blow-out everywhere at the most inconvenient time?
What is it about little babies and toddlers in swimming suits that makes me want to squeal from extreme cuteness?
What is it about drinking water out of the hose that makes it taste even better?
What is it about the weekends that makes you want to self inflict torture by staying up too late?
What is it about toddlers and their need to walk up a slide the wrong way after sliding down?
What is it about baby heads with their fluffy hair and baby smell that make me dizzy with cuteness overload?
What is it about hugs from my toddler that make everything in life fine and perfect?
What is it about my husband that thinking about him or seeing him 7 years later still gives me butterflies and a racing heart?
What is it about making up a new recipe that is so exciting?
What is it about cords and the need for babies to suck on them?
What is it about watching your kids love each other that makes your heart so happy and proud?
What is it about cords and necklaces getting totally intertwined and impossible to get a part when no one touched them or moved them in years?
What is it about apocalypse movies that make me so incredibly scared and enthralled at the same time?
What is it about Oreo's being so good you can't eat just one?
What is it about nostalgia that makes you physically ache deep in your heart when you think back on wonderful memories?
What is it about Brielle's super high pitch noise and "airplane" noise (we recorded it and I will post it later) that makes me laugh every time I hear it?
What is it about time recently flying by so fast, I can hardly wrap my head around it?
What is it about eating cotton candy that instantly makes you feel like a little kid again?
What is it about watching your child have fun and smile that makes you completely and utterly satisfied in life?
What is it about my life that makes me so happy, it keeps me up at night?
...whatever it is, I love it. All of it.

Eating cotton candy at the water park

p.s. yes I know the answer to some of those questions :)