Things I am afraid to tell you.

In an effort to burst the whole "everything is perfect" bubble that is created at times through blogs, some blog writers have been confessing aspects of themselves that are less than...perfect. Confessing things about themselves that are real. I love learning all aspects of others, and thought I would join in on the fun. So here are a couple things that I am afraid to tell you (in no particular order).

#1 I am pretty certain that I have a mild case of OCD. I have never had an official diagnosis's, but I am pretty certain that I do. Most times I can control it and work through it, but when I am tired or overwhelmed/stressed it's much harder to control it. My "OCD" flares around messes and dirty things. I sympathize with Sherlock Holmes when he said in the second movie "my curse is that I see everything" (or something a long those lines). When I am tired or stressed, it takes all the control I have not to clean for hours until I can't see any more dirt or imperfection. Honestly, when it's really bad and I don't do a good job controlling it, I can have mild panic attacks. It can be nice though because my house is clean most of the time. When I say that I thrive when it is clean, this is what I am talking about. This is why Richard and I spend at least 30 (more like 60) minutes totally cleaning the house every night after the kids go to bed. I just thrive in cleanliness. 

#2 I have a bad guilt complex. Not just healthy guilt over things that it is warranted by, but unhealthy things. I feel serious guilt when I take time for myself, when I do things that make me feel like not a "perfect" mom (like letting them eat Cheetos etc), not doing everything for someone else even though it is really inconvenient for me, when the house isn't always immaculate etc. I have to either talk to someone else (who is usually my rock in life aka: Richard) or talk myself through things so I don't feel guilty for ridiculous things.

#3 I had an eating disorder in high school. My sophmore year of high school I had a mild form of Anorexia. I just skipped most meals and when I did eat, it was a tiny little meal (just enough to get by). I did it as a way to have control over my body and (this is embarrassing) fit in. I was part of the "popular" group (haha sounds so ridiculous now) and all my friends were doing the same thing. Luckily my wonderful parents started noticing that I was always "too busy" or gone for breakfast and dinner. They made a house rule that I had to come to dinner and eat, and we eventually discussed my problem and fixed it. If I hadn't had such involved parents, I am not sure when it would have ended or how bad it would have gotten...BUT it turned to be a good thing. After I was able to get over my problem and face it, I had a huge fire of interest sparked. I decided that I wanted to become a counselor for girls with eating disorders which is why I got my degree in Psychology. I actually have put many years towards research in this field (helping girls with eating disorders) and have a lot of theories that could change the way professionals try to "fix" it. Maybe one day after the kids grow up, I can focus again on my passion regarding helping girls with eating disorders.

#4 I am feisty and have an attitude. I attribute it to a strong Irish heritage, but whatever it is, I have an opinion on pretty much every subject and a strong one at that. Luckily though I am very socially aware of things that I shouldn't say, so I am (usually) not "in your face" about my opinions. I just definitely have them. my feistiness and attitude was the biggest problem I had in high school and was definitely a source of grief for my parents :) Sorry guys...I still get really feisty and "wound-up" pretty easy. But luckily it doesn't stay that way for long. But I do have to control it.

#5 I am a serious people pleaser and I hate confrontation. So even though I have strong opinions, I am willing to change my ideas or not say anything about them just for the sake of peace. Sometimes I get walked on by others that don't care about peace because I am such a people pleaser though. So it can be bad. And sometimes I don't say things that should be said because I hate confrontation so much. 

#6 I get really angry if anyone says or thinks anything bad or rude about any member of my family. Mess with my family and "mama bear" comes out in full force and then I don't care about peace or my fear of confrontation anymore. That is when I have to enact a lot of self control not to say mean mean things...

#7 I hardly ever cry, but I get chocked up and get emotional over silly, ridiculous things. Especially if "mood" music is involved. I am very very impacted by music and so I feel things in movies and situations really strongly which makes me get chocked up a lot. And even in slightly positively emotionally charged situations in normal life, I have to fight back the ball in my throat. Like think pregnancy: constantly. It's embarrassing.

#8 I don't like odd numbers, which is why I had to write an eighth thing! Couldn't leave it at 7 :) This is why I want 4 kids instead of 3 or 6 kids instead of 5! So anyways, number 8? I have a hard time living in the now and not looking forward to a later date and saying "I will be happy when _______ in the future". This is actually a huge reason I blog so much, because then I see through writing that I have a lot of wonderful things going on in my life and I don't need to look forward to the future for my "complete" happiness. Like right now, I have a hard time not thinking: "I will be so much happier and life will be easier when we move out of our tiny apartment to a place with a fence backyard...." Don't get me wrong. I am totally happy. But I have a weakness of thinking that everything will be perfect and easier when something happens like the semester ends, we move, when he's a doctor, when our kids are older/independent, when we aren't students etc. 

P.S. that is not a cold sore on my lips, but finger prints on the mirror :)

So now it's your turn:

What are some things you are afraid to tell people??

If you decide to do this, send me a link to your post because I would love to read what you come up with!

Just me v. 3

Awhile back, I did 2 posts all about me. Just to change things up since I am always talking about my kids or hubby and hardly ever just me. Sounds selfish, but it helps me feel like there is more to me than just being a wife and mother (both of which I LOVE, but I also need my own identity). So I thought I would do this fun survey about myself while the kids are asleep for naps and I eat lunch.

A is for age: Turned 26 last month
B is for breakfast today: Eggs
C is for currently craving: Perfectly ripe white nectarine 
D is for dinner tonight: Either chicken teriyaki or enchiladas. Both of which cook in the crock pot so I don't have to cook for long. We are planning to party today.
E is for favorite type of exercise: Zumba. Hands down.
F is for an irrational fear: My family dying (she is living my WORST nightmare. literally)
G is for gross food: I honestly don't dislike any food or ingredient! Only thing I can think of is kimchi. Never tried it, but the smell of it makes me want to puke on the spot. Which is why I haven't (and will never) tried it.
H is for hometown: I claim Laguna Beach, CA since I lived there for the longest period of my life (12 years in CA, 9 years in WA and now 5 in ID)
I is for something important: Giving those around you the benefit of the doubt. Because there is ALWAYS something going on in other peoples lives that you don't know about, and if it did, it would probably change the negative/judgmental thing you are thinking about them. Doing this will increase the quality of your life 100 fold. 
J is for current favorite jam: Smuckers low-sugar strawberry jam, blended so there are no chunks.
K is for kids: Currently 2 of the most beautiful kiddos call me mama, but we want probably around 6 eventually (but who knows...we love kids so much that once we get to 6 we might want more)
L is for current location: living room at my computer desk
M is for the most recent way you spent money: Diapers and wipes (wow I am boring)
N is for something you need: Love and approval from those around me
O is for occupation: Mamasita
P is for pet peeve: Biggest pet peeve? O gosh... people who are unnecessarily judgmental, rude, unsupportive, caustic, petty, unkind or act like they are better than you. I really dislike being around people like that. 
Q is for a quote: "The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them" (I have been thinking about this a lot lately)
R is for random fact about you: I have minor scoliosis that is caused by one of my legs being just a little too short. It requires me to wear a lift in my shoes or my back will ache really bad when I lay down at night.
S is for favorite healthy snack: Stacy's baked Pita chips (especially these). I can eat an entire bag within one day
T is for favorite treat: Milky Way candy bar or Grasshopper ice cream from G's Diary in town (one of the things I will miss the MOST when we move)
U is for something that makes you unique: My eyelashes are so long that they touch the bottom of my eyebrows. I have been asked if I use anything to make them grow, but they are just all naturale! I don't cheat by using an eyelash curler or anything special...just normal mascara. Liam inherited my long eyelashes but I am jealous of his because they are really dark, unlike mine (downside of being blonde).
V is for favorite vegetable: Asparagus or Artichoke
W is for today’s workout: Chasing after kids
X is for X-rays you’ve had: Teeth and wrist (I broke a small bone in my wrist in a car accident)
Y is for yesterday’s highlight: Having game night with my sis, her hubby, my bro and his super fun and cute date (cute side fact: that was his first "date" since he got home from his mission 2 weeks ago). And eating peach cobbler that I made. It was heaven.
Z is for your time zone: mountain

 Since every post needs a picture: evidence for the letter U...today is a bad "eyelash" day though. Usually all of them reach the bottom of my eyebrows

Wow guess I can "smile" without showing teeth. Didn't think that was possible. This is a personal first

(Day 34) My 20

Today is Friday. My favorite day of the week by far. So I decided to carry-on from last week and do a post all about me. It's nice to have a break from all things kiddos and think about me as my own person. Today is a wonderful Friday. Richard is home from his trip to CA for 2 interviews (which went as possibly perfect as they could) and all is right in the world. Add that to the fact I have an epic girls night planned for tonight, and I am a happy camper. The sun is shining, Brielle is rolling around on the floor, Liam is asleep, I had a nap, and it's time to write.

1.  what is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday?

Wake up (as late as possible with our kiddos), eat a yummy breakfast of preferably German pancakes with the family, deep clean the house/do laundry, make a yummy dinner together and then do something fun like go on a date with my love or play with our friends

2.  list your top three favorite tv shows.

Modern Family, Top Chef and Fringe

3.  would you rather be in pictures or take them?

both! And if I could do both at the same time, that would be even better!

4.  why do you blog?

To document the everyday of our life right now 

(with the hopes of possibly kind of helping someone somehow)

5.  share five websites that you visit regularly..

Facebook

Blogger

Gmail

Pinterest

Netflix

6.  if you could have lunch with one person from your twitter list, who would it be? 

Ummm I don't have a Twitter account ::gasp::

But if I had Twitter and considering who I would have on that list: my dad.

7.  list a few of your favorite snacks

Stacy's Naked Pita chips, any kind of fruit, popcorn, left over Chinese food, bagel and cream cheese, Ritz with cheddar cheese and pickles, chips & guacamole

8.  do you have a pet? if so, what kind?

Nope, not unless kids count ;)

If I did for some reason (we aren't huge pet people) probably a small, cuddly dog

9.  what three material possessions would you struggle to live without?

Our computer, phone (just tried and that SUCKED), my Nikon, deodorant (i hate hate smelling bad), contacts, mascara, my scriptures and external hard drive with all the family pictures

10.  what's your favorite drink? 

Root beer or any kind of fruit drink

11. do you enjoy cooking?

Yes, very much so! 

12. do you have any children? 

Yes :) my pride and joy:

 23 month old boy and 5 month old girl

13.  what are your favorite hobbies?

Photography, playing Piano, blogging, crocheting, writing, learning about people...

14. would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing?

I would say kind of shy at first and then definitely outgoing once I get more comfortable. But if I had to choose, for sure outgoing

15. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

Not to stress and worry as much

16.  who is your favorite actor/actress?

Actor: Russell Crowe

Actress: Gwyneth Paltrow (confession: I want to be her or at least look like her...)

17. what is the coolest thing you've done this week?

I survived as a "single mom" of 2 kids while Richard was interviewing at 2 schools in CA for 4 days
(I know, doesn't sound cool to you, but it was to me! I was scared I wouldn't be able to do it...)

18. do you live near your family or far from them?

Far :( 

But if I had control/a choice we would live like 2 hours away from them. Close enough to go whenever we wanted, but far enough to have our own "family"

19.  list three of your talents.

Singing, reading people/situations, cleaning/organizing

20.  what is your greatest attribute?

Loving people and life despite the flaws that come with both.

after my awesome movie-and-dessert girls night with my ladies tonight

(Day 27) Just me. And nothing else.

The other day, I realized my blog was turning into nothing else except pictures and written blobs about my kids. I wouldn't have it any other way, but I was trying to think of something I could write about me. I couldn't think of anything. Not a single thing. Red flags started waving, and I realized, as I had been warned not to let happen, I was completely losing myself to my 2 kids. A good thing, but it can be dangerous when there is nothing to you except being a mom. A person needs their own identity. So today I decided to write about me as as my own person. So I am going to write about some of my favorite things. And challenge myself to not talk about my kids or hubby. Now the question is: Can I do it?! Let's see...

--The moment (yes it's just a moment in this house...) when you finish cleaning, organizing the house and get to sit down and enjoy it.
--Cooking a yummy meal that hits the spot
--Any type of fruit juice
--Writing my feelings down and the release as soon as they are out
--Dancing my butt off like a tacky Latin dancer Exercising at Zumba
--Laying in bed after a hard, taxing day
--Looking at the clock and realizing I was able to sleep for more than a couple hours
--Clean, folded laundry
--Taking a hot shower during the winter
--Going out to dinner
--Spontaneously deciding to do something fun
--Laughing so hard I start becoming hysterical
--Funny movies (like the edited version of Bridesmaids. LOVE it)
--Inspiring drama movies (love Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Big Fish)
--Looking into the camera and finding a beautiful shot that captures raw emotion
--Listening to good music, loud.
--Imagining my future when all this work pays off
--Dreaming of my dream house that I will have one day
--Getting all dressed and dolled up
--Feeling on top of the world when things are going my way
--Driving in the car with loud music blaring
--Cute clothes that fit just right
--Getting my hair done
--When the spirit confirms that what you heard is truth
--Those little, insignificant moments when you feel life is absolutely perfect
--When you feel like heaven is close and your Savior is giving you a hug of "you can do this"
--Knowing where I am going and where I came from
--The reassurance that if my worst nightmare happened, we are a forever family.
--Being in the temple and feeling complete happiness
--Being creative
--Listening to a favorite song
--Hearing rain on a tin roof
--Inspirational quotes or stories
--Tragic stories that make me grateful for what I have
--Creating and reliving inside jokes
--Pet names
--Hanging out with friends and feeling like a kid again
--Burts Bees chapstick
--Watching episodes of my favorite TV show
--Fresh, crisp apple
...and if I could add my favorite things about my kids and hubby this list would be 4 times longer...

When my toddler won't eat,

When the baby won't sleep,

When I am feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things, 

and then I don't feel so bad.

excuse the nastiness--this is me today after a long day with the kiddos

...I did it!!